And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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