we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
