Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
