What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
