Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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