Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I still have a little drunk in my system
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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