i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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