i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
