I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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