Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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