I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
