So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
