He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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