i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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