I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
