it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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