I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
