If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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