I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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