Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
