if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
