No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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