oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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