Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
