Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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