we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
