sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize