I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
