If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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