idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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