piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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