Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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