We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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