i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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