my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
