He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
