did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
