Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Terrible idea I love it
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
