Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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