you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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