Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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