Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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