he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize