i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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