will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
