Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
