how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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