I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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