Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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