So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
