If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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