I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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