I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
