you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
