Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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