Your mouth is God's brothel.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
