remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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