"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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