The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
