If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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