Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
