i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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