i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
