hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
