guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize